You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
