you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
