The maid of honor just puked.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
