shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
