I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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