The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
