Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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