very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
