and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
