mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
