wat bout pragnant strippers??
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
