FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
