It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
