I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
