Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
