I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All the doctor said was why
Text me some of your sweat
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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