I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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