My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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