This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
