Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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