By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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