just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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