Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
