Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we're making bets on your personal life
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
the liver wants what the liver wants
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
