dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
