At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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