you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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