She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
