On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
