dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
