I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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