Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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