I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
