Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
