He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
