Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
