hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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