how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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