I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
