Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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