That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
