Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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