these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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