Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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