have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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