8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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