all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
