We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
