Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
