So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
